699-675
Before I jump in again, thanks to all who are putting up with my considerable hubris. Its quite a self-indulgent thing to publish such a list, and I acknowledge that. I guess blogging is somewhat self-indulgent, unless you are reporting...but anyway. I hope you are enjoying what I have so far.
699. Wagon's East (1994) D: Peter Markle
Richard Lewis is not funny. Richard Lewis is not funny. Richard Lewis is not funny. Richard Lewis is not funny. Richard Lewis is not funny. Richard Lewis is not funny. Richard Lewis is not funny. Richard Lewis is not funny. Richard Lewis is not funny. Richard Lewis is not funny.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
698. Altered States (1980) D: Ken Russell
Back when I was super-pretentious about movies (last year), this movie would've made my top 200 simply because everyone who saw it hated it. Its edgy, disturbing, wierd 80s FX...I would've taken some sort of wierd high road to convince people that I was a true movie buff. But really, its just William Hurt running around a zoo in a wolf costume. Stupid.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
697. The Cutting Edge (1992) D: Paul Michael Glaser
Directed by the original Hutch from "Starsky and Hutch". Great.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
696. Escape from LA (1996) D: John Carpenter
I understand that Carpenter is a Hollywood icon. He made the original "Halloween" and "Assault on Precinct 13. Doesn't excuse this miserable madness. Plisken plays basketball?
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: Pliskin turns the lights off.
695. Heavyweights (1995) D: Steven Brill
An overblown excuse for Hollywood to buy parents into kids movies. Lame excuse for a "its whats on the inside that counts." Of course, a quality script would be nice. And less annoying kids.
Performance to Savor: Ben Stiller
Memorable Moment: None
694. Final Destination (2000) D: James Wong
I saw the edited version of this at Hilton Head, which probably reduced the effectiveness, and I actually liked the first third of the movie. But, it just unravelled at the end, as our hero figured out what to do. I'd expect more from a man who's directed multiple X-Files episodes.
Performance to Savor: Tony Todd
Memorable Moment: None
693. What Lies Beneath (2000) D: Robert Zemeckis
Another flick that Grace will be mad at me for having so low. When will I get to the movies that other people will be mad at me for? Anyway, Harrison Ford definitely has the ability to play a bad guy, he just doesn't show it here. Not creepy, not scary, not anything...just bad.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
692. Crash (1996) D: David Cronenberg
Arguably the dumbest plot of all time. People are sexually stimulated by car crashes. Followed by the sequel: "Fellating Gurneys".
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
691. Men in Black II (2002) D: Barry Sonnenfeld
The exact same plot as MiB. Literally! I couldn't believe it. Smith and Jones skate by on charisma.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
INSERT -- Houseguest (1995) D: Randall Miller
So this is what happens when you compile a list of this magnitude: you miss things. Just to keep my sanity, movies that I put in after the original list was finished well be marked as such. Only good thing about this movie is that it turned me on to the comedic genius of Phil Hartman.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
NOTE: At this point we are still in the movies that I rate with 1 star. I forgot to mention the cutoffs. The bottom of the list started at zero stars, until Jaws: The Revenge, and then everything else had a half star, until National Lampoon's Senior Trip. Sorry 'bout that. I'll keep you up to date from now on.
690. So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993) D: Thomas Schlamme
Myers' first movie after Wayne's World/SNL, so it still has a stilted/episodic feel. I guess all of his movies feel that way, and it is, in my opinion, what is holding him back from genuine comedy.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
689. Senseless (1998) D: Penelope Spheeris
Appropriately titled.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
688. Little Nicky (2000) D: Steven Brill
Let's face it, Adam Sandler's only good movies are Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore. He needs that "fish out of water" comedic situation to strive. I guess the difference between earth and hell are not enough to truly play that card.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
687. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1993) D: Stuart Gillard
The poor kiddies. They love the TMNT, and the studios step them in front of this shit cannon. I mean, the Turtles in Time? Really?
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
686. Hocus Pocus (1993) D: Kenny Ortega
Pimple salad.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
685. Fear (1996) D: James Foley
Marky Mark dons full lengths pants and shirts and proves that adding a last name provides considerable clout to screen presence. Sadly. the rest of the cast belongs on the sun.
Performance to Savor: Mark Wahlburg
Memorable Moment: None
684. In & Out (1997) D: Frank Oz
One of Hollywood's first honest attempts at the "Gay comedy", so I'll give 'em that. But, they needed a few more tries to get it right.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
683. The Substitute (1996) D: Robert Mandel
Normally, holding the original accountable for its dreadful sequels is stupid, but c'mon, The Substitute 4? Is that what people want to see? Are you sure?
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
682. Virtuosity (1995) D: Brett Leonard
That two titans of drama, Denzel and Russell, are responsible for this corruption makes me feel better about my wasted life.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
681. Broken Arrow (1996) D: John Woo
You know when you're playing pickup ball, and there's a dude on the court who's terrible at basketball? You know what I'm talking about. But, then, one game, he gets hot for 2-3 plays, and suddenly he thinks he's way better than he is, and starts trying things (fadeaway j's, no-look passes, reverse layins) that he's just not capable of. Pulp Fiction was John Travoltas 1 good play. This is his no-look pass.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
680. Good Burger (1997) D: Brian Robbins
Gimmicks suck. They're abominable. Good Burger came to us in an orange cassette. Now, that's the only thing I remember about it. Way to be Nick.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
679. Booty Call (1997) D: Jeff Pollack
Jeff Pollack was responsible for "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air", a comic and important analysis of race relations, economic class structures, and alienated youth. This negates all that.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
678. Say It Isn't So (2001) D: James B. Rogers
"There's Something About Mary" spawned a legion of gross-out comedies. This is the off-spring of gun-raped retarded nuns.
Performance to Savor: Orlando Jones
Memorable Moment: None
677. Camp Nowhere (1994) D: Jonathan Prince
I got nothin'.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
676. Drop Zone (1994) D: John Badham
Y'know, Wesley Snipes has never been in a good movie, has he? Well, "Major League" and "White Men Can't Jump", but the rest just vasectomies, huh?
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
675. Beverly Hills Ninja (1997) D: Dennis Dugan
This isn't bad because of Farley. This isn't bad because of Dugan. This isn't bad because of the script. This isn't bad because of the plot. This is bad because its got that dude from Mortal Kombat.
Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None
posted by Lord Alex @ 11:05 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I fucking love that you're doing this list, dude.
It's a solid list. Don't give up ala Sports Guy.
In what lies beneath, Harrison Ford is not the bad guy, the ghost of his dead lover is the bad guy! Duh!
Also, Camp Nowhere- performance to savor: ANDREW KEEGAN!!! The moistener of seventh grade panties everywhere!!!
why do you watch so many movies that are obviously bad?
Associated Press
PORTLAND, Ore. -- Trail Blazers forward Darius Miles was suspended by the team for two games Friday after a verbal clash with coach Maurice Cheeks during a film session the day before.
The Blazers suspended Miles for conduct detrimental to the team and insubordination. The Blazers were preparing for Friday night's home against the Clippers when the punishment was handed down.
"I am disappointed that we've had this distraction to deal with today," Blazers president Steve Patterson said in a statement. "We expect a certain behavior from everyone in our organization, and what happened yesterday is not acceptable behavior."
The Trail Blazers would not comment on the nature of the confrontation, except to say there was one. According to The Oregonian newspaper, Miles repeatedly called Cheeks a racial epithet.
"He blew up in the film session," said Cheeks, who characterized Miles' comments as inappropriate.
Messages left for Miles' Florida-based agent, Jeff Wechsler, were not immediately returned on Friday.
Miles, who signed a six-year, $48 million contract with the Blazers in the offseason, will also sit out Tuesday's game against the Lakers at the Staples Center.
Miles was not at the team's shootaround Friday morning at the Rose Garden Arena. He recently missed eight games because of a bone contusion in his left knee.
Miles was activated last Saturday before the Blazers' 92-83 loss at home to the Timberwolves.
He has appeared in 32 games this season, with 10 starts. He was averaging 12.9 points and five rebounds. He has not started since he was activated from the injured list.
Entering Friday night's game, the Blazers had lost 13 of their last 16 games as they struggled with a spate of injuries. In addition to Miles, the Blazers lost top scorer Zach Randolph for five games with a knee injury; forward Shareef Abdur-Rahim continues to sit out, following elbow surgery.
The Blazers are working to clean up an image that has been marred in recent years by player misconduct both on and off the court.
Bonzi Wells was suspended for one game in March 2003 for cussing at Cheeks during a practice. In November 2003, Wells was suspended for two games for a profanity-laced tirade to Cheeks on the court after he was taken out of a game at Dallas. Two weeks later, Wells was traded to Memphis.
Miles' suspension comes as the Blazers try to get past trouble with former Portland forward Qyntel Woods, who pleaded guilty to misdemeanor animal abuse last week following allegations of dog fighting.
Upon his plea, Woods was immediately waived by the Blazers, who had suspended him indefinitely without pay when the allegations first surfaced back in early October.
Woods has since been signed by the Heat.
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