755-735

755. Juwanna Man (2002) D: Jesse Vaughan

Dude acts up in the NBA. Gets booted. Forced to play in WNBA. Now, this could've been funny if it was about Ron Artest, but of course, its not. This movie was offensive to african-americans, people with basketball knowledge, and women. Great.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

754. Johnny Mnemonic (1995) D: Robert Longo

I watched this movie at a friends house, and that night I had my first wet dream. I guess there was a silver lining.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

753. Judge Dredd (1995) D: Danny Cannon

I didn't read the comic book, but it had to have been better than this bloody mess. As I understand it, the Judges never take their helmets off because they are big badass badasses. Of course, Stallone's considerable hubris prevented him from ever keeping his on. Way to be Sly. Way to be.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

752. Straight Talk (1992) D: Barnet Kellman

I guess this movie can get kudos for being the highest ranked Dolly Parton vehicle on the list. What a stupid movie. I love James Woods, but whafuck?

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

751. North (1994) D: Rob Reiner

The curse of Seinfeld began with this movie. By curse I mean the complete inability for the cast of Seinfeld to ever star in anything worth a ball-wrinkle after the Show About Nothing. This was the Movie About NORTHing. Sorry, I'm dumb.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

750. Mortal Kombat (1995) D: Paul W.S. Anderson

As a kid, I was more or less forbidden to play "fighting" video games. Mortal Kombat, obviously, was included. So, when sleeping over at friends, they would of course be working on their finishing moves, and I'd be huddled in the corner reading Life is Hell anthologies. I'd return to that position after seeing this mess.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

749. Jaws: The Revenge (1987) D: Joseph Sargent

I'm all for bending credibility in movies. Shit, I could poke holes all throughout my top 100, but goddamit...the shark follows the son to sea world, gets killed, and its offspring follows the original movie's widow! to Florida. The entire premise of the movie sucks choad.

Oh yeah, bad acting and special effects.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

748. 200 Cigarettes (1999) D: Risa Bramon Garcia

It takes a talented filmmaker (Quentin T., Todd Solondz) to balance multiple interweaving story lines. Garcia is not that filmmaker. And, this movie casts Ben Ass-Lick as "Bartender". Let's see, we have a character with a ton of charisma, he'll link several story arcs, and he's so memorable, we won't even have to give him a name. Let's get Affleck.

Who makes these decisions?

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

747. 8 Heads in a Duffle Bag (1997) D: Tom Schulman

Remember, before we toss Joe Pesci off a cliff (which saddens me, 'cuz I like the guy) keep in mind that he was in Goodfellas, Raging Bull, My Cousin Vinny...whatever, this movie ruins all of that.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

746. The Scarlet Letter (1995) D: Roland Joffe

Classic bad guy Gary Oldman plays sexy puritan minister opposite "adulterous" Demi Moore. She must've been training for Striptease. Excellent story and production value ruined by ham-handed direction from on otherwise sturdy helmer.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

745. Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit (1993) D: Bill Duke

I want to like Whoopi, because I think its important for african-americans as well as women to compete in areas once dominated by white men. Unfortunately Whoopi is not funny, and her movies are barely worth porcine anal leakage.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

744. Rat Race (2001) D: Jerry Zucker

I feel especially let down by this one because I actually wanted to see it. Sure it looked dumb, but it had Rowan Atkinson and directed by Jerry Zucker. Fuck, I was wrong. This movie licked tard.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

743. Save the Last Dance (2001) D: Thomas Carter

I saw this one with someone who actually a dancer trying to get into Julliard. Horrible idea. Like watching Numb3rs with a mathematician, or Sex in the City with someone from NY. Let's move on.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

742. The Kid (2000) D: Jon Turtletaub

Bruce Willis in a fantasy comedy. I have nothing to say about this.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

741. 3 Ninjas (1992) D: Jon Turtletaub

Way to be Turtletaub. I seriously didn't plan it this way. I didn't even know who directed these movies when I made this list. What are the odds of this happening? One dude, making 2 awful movies, 8 years apart? Actually, not that unlikely in Hollywood. Seriously, for every good movie a director makes, they bust out with 3 horrible ones. I'm rambling.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

740. Boys and Girls (2000) D: Robert Iscove

How awful is Freddie Prinze Jr.? I mean, his adam's apple is the size of a grape fruit, and he single handedly takes solid scripts and turns them into stinking piles of ass-garbage. He's lobbed this one with Claire Florani and an unlikely funny Jason Biggs, and he plays the same dude he's played in every single other one of his stupid nut sack films. Whatever.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

739. Wild Wild West (1999) D: Barry Sonnenfeld

Racist and pointless, I'd rather drink lead than watch this un-stoned. Interesting note: The guy who played Bloodbath McGrath is the same guy who played Jame Gumb in Silence of the Lambs. Nice career path.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

738. Congo (1995) D: Frank Marshall

Reading the book upon which a movie is based can be a mixed bag. On the one hand, you are able to pick up details the producers through in, appreciate the histories of the characters, and just have a general over all sense of plot, circumstance and mood. On the other hand, your expectations can be severed by the rusty blade of generic crap filmmaking. Guess which hand this one landed on.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

737. Krippendorf's Tribe (1998) D: Todd Holland

Richard Dreyfuss basically plays two characters in all of his movies: Lovable and annoying, and pretentious and annoying. Here he's the latter, and Jenna Elfman is in full Jenna Elfman mode. Not a good combo.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

736. City By The Sea (2002) D: Michael Caton-Jones

Another one of those movies I saw in Hungary. It had De Niro so we sprinted through the train station and the movie theatre to get there on time. We didn't even stay through the whole thing. What the fuck De Niro? Meet this Focker.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

735. The Astronaut's Wife (1999) D: Randy Ravich

A terrible flick were the circumstances surrounding the movie far surpassed the actual showing. Kit, Simmz, and I saw this in Portland after Simmz and I got back from a huge road trip around Washington (State, dumbasses). Anyway, we were the only ones in the theatre, so we dared Kit to run up to the movie screen and rub his D on Charlize Theron. He did it, and we were rolling. But, we turned around and there was this huge fat dude eating tons of popcorn and sweating in the last row. We did that thing were we just quietly went back to our seats and watched the rest of the movie. We never spoke of it again. Until later that night.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None