LOTR Jaeger-Thon

Today E-Town and I had a LOTR Marathon. I now appreciate the movie more than I....well, I'll get into that later. The log is accurate, that is, I typed my thoughts at the time that is listed. So, I hope you like it. Oh yeah: GIANT WARNING: THE FOLLOWING BLOG WILL BE MASSIVELY LOTR INTENSIVE. IF YOU ARE PREGNANT (nice, you put out...) OR JUST NOT IN TO LOTR, PLEASE ABORT (bad joke, sorry)

LOTR Jaegerthon – Log

10:06 – After a brief delay (eggs, computer heating up), we have started the Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. Here we go.

10:09 – The Last Alliance marches on Mt. Doom. When I first saw this scene, I was amazed, and knew that I was in for something special. Fuck, Sauron is badass. I wish there was more of him throughout the trilogy than just an Eye.

10:13 – Even after reading the book and watching the movies, I still don’t fully understand the nature of the One Ring. Its sentience, true power, its effect on the weak, and I don’t mind. The power of Tolkien’s writing comes not only from what he put into the books, but from what he left out as well. Its up to the reader to imagine how the Ring might manifest its evil.

10:21 – Worst British accent: Kevin Costner in “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves” or Elijah Wood as Frodo Baggins? I go with Costner, because at least Wood tries. And, its fairly passable at times. Oh yeah, I would get romantically involved with Ian McKellan.

10:30 – When Gandalf pulls on Merry and Pip’s ears and says “Meriadoc Brandybuck, and Peregrin Took”, when I first saw it, I thought he was speaking a different language.

10:39 – I’m remembering how confusing the movie is, the first time you watch it, knowing nothing about the books. When Gandalf goes to Minis Tirith, with Mordor in the background, I had no idea what was going on. Knowing the book, now, I understand how difficult it was for the filmmakers to condense 2000 years of history into comprehensive film opening. E-town and I decided that I would make a good hobbit. Bushy hair, hairy feet, picking my ear…I could do it.

10:45 – I hate how Elijah says Sauron by rhyming “Sau” with “now”. He makes it sound like Now-ron. Stupid.

10:50 – E-town randomly gets up and goes into his room. Now, he’s in the bathroom. Oh, he’s brushing his teeth. The dude can’t relax. We’re watching LOTR all day long, and he’s still pimped out with jeans and combed hair. Maybe he’s stressed out because he had money stolen from him last night. That’s rough.

11:01 – Just noticed something. When they first encounter the Nazgul on the road, I used to think that the Black Rider had bugs coming out of him. Nope, they were running away from him.

11:10 – One of my top scenes from the trilogy: The four black riders, swords drawn, riding through the inn and Butterbur has a look of sheer terror on his face.

11:25 – Elvish is the most beautiful language I’ve ever heard.

11:27 – After Aragorn torched the wraiths on weathertop, where did they get new robes? Magic? Bree? I need to know these things.

11:32 – So, in Rivendell, when Frodo gets the Ring back, and its on a chain, presumably an elf had to touch it to put it on the chain. Was that elf tempted? If not, why not? If so, why didn’t he just take the Ring? Perhaps Gandalf was standing over him. Or maybe Gandalf used his magic to weave a chain through the Ring.

11:38 – E-town is “resting his eyes”. Nice.

11:40 – Boromir acting super awkward with Aragorn.

11:46 – What the hell is Legolas wearing at the Council of Elrond? A giant gown?

11:50 – FIGWIT!

11:52 – First disc over. Quick break to make Jaeg-bombs, then we’ll start back up again.

12:00 – Disc 2.

12:13 – So this is our drinking game: 1 drink whenever the Ring is shown, 1 drink whenever there’s a huge “sweeping” scene or crescendoing music, 1 drink whenever something happens that you have to had read the book to get it, 1 drink whenever hobbits act hobbitty, and lastly 1 drink whenever something happens that deserves a drink. That’s my favorite rule.

12:19 – Recent impromptu drinks (R.I.D): Gimli freaking out when he sees that Moria is a tomb, the Watcher in the Water bursting out, Legolas with an improbable arrow shot

12:23 – I never really noticed the incredible acting in this movie, which I think is a sign of incredible acting. They seem so natural which is unusual, because the whole trilogy is bathed in unfamiliarity. The look on Frodo’s face when Gandalf reminds him that he was meant to have the Ring is amazing.

12:25 – Gandalf should put his hair in corn rows.

12:28 – R.I.D: Legolas speaking pretentiously, drums in the deep, Aragorn beheads an Orc, the Cave Trolls club

12:33 – I feel like Cave Trolls get a bad rap. They’re perceived as dumb, but that’s only because they can’t talk. I mean, they take orders at Pellenor Fields, effectively manipulate tools. They’re definitely smarter than dolphins. Probably like 8 year-olds.

12:35 – When Gandalf says “There’s more to this outfit than meets the eye” after Frodo gets stabbed, is he referring to the Fellowship, or Frodo’s clothes.

12:39 – R.I.D: “A demon of the ancient world”, “No one tosses a dwarf”, “Not the beard”

12:42 – Huge 4 drinks for me. The “You Cannot Pass” scene. I love it. Its my favorite part of the whole trilogy. I get chills every time I see it. Every time.

12:43 – One of the things I think that the movies do better than the books (blasphemy, I know) is the humanity that Sean Bean gives to Boromir. Sure he’s a flawed character, but he’s doing it for love of country, family, and honor. I would like to think that my flaws come from those nobilities, but of course they don’t. As an example: “Give them a moment for pity’s sake.”

12:45 – I’m an idiot. My phone is sitting next to the computer here, and I thought it was the mouse. I moved it around on the ottoman, looking for the cursor to move. What a dork.

12:49 – How come Celeborn speaks so slowly? Is he retarded? Horse tranquilizers?

12:53 – At the Council, In Lorian, Boromir is always hearing voices in his head. He should talk to someone about that.

12:54 – I love how the music connects the trilogy. Every time Boromir speaks, the Gondor theme from ROTK plays.

12:56 – Lorien is so boring. SO boring. Easily my least favorite scene of the entire trilogy. Better than 75% of all movies.

12:58 – R.I.D: Legolas speaking pretentiously, Sam’s poem, Galadriel’s nuclear meltdown

1:00 – E-town just cracked all the vertebrae in his back. And he wonders why he has to see a Chiropractor.

1:01 – I think modern theory of genetics contradicts the fact that the orcs are ruined elves. Mutilated and destroyed. You can’t pass on acquired traits. LOTR is not realistic. Oh.

1:04 – Dominic Monaghan’s fucked up jaw.

1:09 – It is now 1:09. They spent 24 goddamn minutes in Lorian, and nothing happened. Imagine 24 minutes in “Commando”. Arnie would kill like 400 people.

1:10 – The Hobbits have Macalester-big hair. Aragorn has Peter Harle hair.

1:12 – Would you get more or less ass if you had the Argonath in your front yard?

1:14 – What the hell is the matter with Frodo at Amon Hen? He’s the most important person in Middle-Earth and he’s just aimlessly wandering around.

1:16 – R.I.D: Legolas speaking pretentiously (“A shadow and a threat has been growing in my mind”), Boromir’s meltdown

1:20 – So Aragon is pretty much just a Middle-Earth Rambo, no?

1:23 – R.I.D: Boromir saves the hobbits, The Horn of Gondor, Legolas kills 6 orcs, Boromir takes the arrows and keeps fighting, Lurtz licking the knife, Lurtz pulling Aragorn towards him

1:27 – There are sentimental drunks, and then there are sentimental diers. Nothing really changed between Aragorn and Boromir between Rivendell and Amon Hen, but once Boromir is facing death, he pledges allegiance to Aragorn. Great scene, but somewhat inexplicable.

1:29 – Aragorn kisses Boromir. Gay.

1:30 – Where was Sam the whole time during the battle of Amon Hen? Hiding under a stump?

1:32 – Frodo turns into Mr. Fantastic to save Sam from drowning. That’s funny. In reality after Sam said “A promise!”, Frodo would say “Say it, don’t spray it!”

1:34 – E-town just took a drink and accidentally stabbed the stirring stick into his eye.

1:35 – E-town just said “I don’t like caffeine, I’ll drink Coke.” I mean, Coke has tons of caffeine, does he know that? Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe E-town has Down’s Syndrome.

1:36 – Fellowship ends. We are a third of the way there. I’ve had a total of 4 shots of Jaeger, and I’m about a third of the way drunk. Perfect. So, I guess its been 3 hours and 30 minutes, minus the 8 minutes we took for a break, 3 hours and 22 minutes of movie. Doing good. Quick lunch break, then on to the Two Towers. Unfortunately, this is my least favorite of the trilogy. I think I’ll make it though.

1:47 – I have a fresh drink. My sandwhich is in the toaster oven, um, toasting. And we just started The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. My life couldn’t be better. E-town ate a 2 day old chicken breast and teriyaki sauce for lunch. Grimace Dribble.

1:49 – Another huge four drinks for me to start the movie. The “You Cannot Pass” scene again.
1:50 – Good thing Gandalf didn’t hit his head on the way down. That’d hurt.

1:55 – My sandwich is done. Mmm.

2:01 – How Andy Serkis didn’t even get a nomination for this movie is beyond me. The look on Gollum’s face when Frodo releases him is priceless.

2:07 – R.I.D: The Eye, Legolas speaks pretentiously, Shot of Barad-Dur, The wild men swear allegiance by cutting their hands

2:15 – I guess I’m not sure how I feel about Gimli being turned into a huge comic relief. On the one hand, its necessary for this movie to have some, on the other hand, he wasn’t like this in the book. I’ll just remain neutral.

2:18 – Are there any good Orcs? Can a baby Orc decide against evil? If not, and they can’t choose, does this make them truly bad? Without Free Will, do not we lose the entire notion of good and evil? I have no idea.

2:19 – When Eomer says “Do not trust or hope, it is forsaken in these lands”, it sounds like he says “Do not trust a Hulk, …” That’d be funny.

2:23 – Who’s idea was it to put a Orc head on a stake? Eomer? One of his men? I mean, at some point, one of the Rohirrim decided had to take the time to look around in the woods for a stake, sharpen it, put it in the ground…that’s a lot of work.

2:24 – R.I.D: Legolas’ pretentious prayer for the dead, Viggo breaking his toe, Aragorn’s tracking abilities, Mordor simmering in the distance

2:29 – I’m still hungry. Of course I am.

2:32 – Cheese and crackers, that should get it done.

2:34 – Throughout the trilogy, when things are associated with the dead (the Nine, Minas Morgul, the Dead Marshes, The Paths of the Dead), the dominant color is a eerie green glow. Yet, green is also associated with vibrant life (trees, shrubs, the spring, etc…) Is green that passionate of a color?

2:36 – The Fell Beasts are the most bad ass creatures in middle earth. Maybe the Balrogs, but….

2:38 – How do the Nazgul know who’s gonna patrol the Emyn Muil, Osgiliath, Ithilian, etc…Is there a Ringwraith schedule? Does the Witch-King decide? Sauron?

2:41 – You can’t just “kill” a dragon. You must slay them. Or, you could smote their ruin. Either way, it’s a complicated procedure.

2:44 – When did Gandalf get a robe from Lorien? Oh yeah….

2:45 – R.I.D: Knowing when Gandalf got the robe.

2:51 – The Easterlings are an army of Saddam Husseins. And they wear too much mascara.

2:53 – What the fuck is Frodo thinking? He’s just gonna run through the Black Gate right into a huge army? Is he gonna put on the Ring? Great idea. Put on the Ring right in front of Sauron. Frodo’s a bitch.

2:56 – E-town left to take a piss.

2:57 – He’s back.

3:00 – I would not fuck an Ent-Wife. I don’t like slivers.

3:02 – I have a fresh drink now. And I pissed. I’m back in the game. I love in the Rohan theme.

3:04 – I just realized. With all of the alcohol comes a ton of Red Bull. This can’t be good.

3:12 – I would bang Eowyn/Miranda Otto. Hard. She is so damn hot. Grace, don’t read that last sentence.

3:13 – Would Gandalf be more or less cool if he wore Air Jordans? I mean, if someone offered those shoes to him, you have to assume he’d take ‘em, right? They’re comfy, light, and sturdy. They’ve got to be better than the leather boots he’s wearing.

3:17 – Haven’t seen the Ring in awhile. I’m not worried. It’s coming.

3:18 – E-town and I just decided that a shot is automatically “sweeping” if it has a mountain and (a) the camera is moving front to back (or vice versa) with people in the shot or (b) the camera moves side to side, no people necessary.

3:21 – Saruman is always seen reading books about the history of Middle Earth (the Balrog, the history of the Dunedain). Does he use the Dewey Decimal system to organize everything? Or his he just so wise, he keeps everything straight in his head?

3:24 – What if they just played the Super Bowl tomorrow, and didn’t tell anyone?

3:28 – Grace can play Gollum better than anyone I’ve seen. She does this thing with her hair, eyes, and mouth…its creepy.

3:31 – Smeagol has a Ph.D in Middle-Earth Political Science. Seriously, he knows things he shouldn’t.

3:32 – E-town claims that I have to drink because I didn’t know that that the “bird call” in Ithilian is secret war call. Ok.

3:34 – Disc #3 is over. The story continues though, so don’t worry. No break. We wanna keep doing. I’m off to IMDb.com to check out who played a dead Easterling.

3:37 – R.I.D: Aragorn Drinking the Ass-Soup. If he can eat that, I can drink some Jaeger. And he’s 87. Riding off to battle, claiming Lordship over a land, defeating the biggest threat to the land in thousands of years. At 87. When I’m that old, I’ll be falling asleep in front of the TV at 8pm while drooling on myself. ‘’

3:39 – Arwen time. Sweet. Off to espn.com.

3:44 – Ok, Arwen scene is over. I’ve regained consciousness.

3:49 – Do Orcs masturbate?

3: 53 – I never understood why Grima is shown with a tear on his face. Is he happy because he will be on the side of victory? Or is he sad because he is a Man, and he realizes what he has done.

3:55 – More Arwen and Aragon. I think I just swallowed my tongue.

4:01 – Hugo Weaving has the coolest eyebrows in Hollywood.

4:03 – R.I.D: Eye of Sauron, Isengard unleashed, use of the word “cloven”

4:08 – Did the men of Gondor also brew Aspen Edge?

4:21 – What’s the cutoff point between a “host” and a “great host”?. I say a host is between a hundred and a thousand, and great host is anything after that.

4:26 – Seriously, I would nail Eowyn.

4:31 – “Where is the horse and the rider? Where is the horn that was blowing? They have passed like rain on the mountain.” Excellent example of transplanting from book to movie. Love that poem.

4:33 – R.I.D: Aragorn getting ready for war, Legolas speaking pretentiously.

4:34 – Alright. The Elves come to help at Helm’s Deep. I’m not super offended by this, but it kinda negates the whole point of the Last Alliance, doesn’t it?

4:35 – Aragon awkwardly hugs Haldir.

4:46 – R.I.D: First Orc casualty at Helm’s Deep, The death shriek, Orc getting axed in the balls, Legolas surfing.

4:52 – More R.I.D: Impaled by a battering ram, tossing a dwarf, Aragorn’s incredible upper body strength.

4:55 – E-town went to piss again. He is strategically pissing during the Merry/Pip/Treebeard scenes. Wow, he’s back already. Whatever.

4:57 – So, the Ents take like 4 hours to figure out that Merry and Pip are not Orcs, but then Treebeard bellows, and in 5 seconds they are ready for war? Really?

4:59 – My favorite chord change in the movie: The Last March of the Ents.

5:04 – “Fell deeds awake! Now for wrath! Now for ruin! For the red dawn!” Chills….

5:09 – I mean, I love the movies so I look past it, but seriously, what the hell was PJ thinking having Frodo reveal the Ring to the Nazgul? It just doesn’t make any sense. Didn’t really need to do that to show how the Ring is driving a wedge between Sam and Frodo. Even heading to Osgiliath in general. I don’t get it.

5:13 – Imagine Gollum taking a vacation in Miami. Tanning.

5:15 – So, Saruman was smoking Longbottom Leaf the whole time?

5:16 – Imagine smoking someone’s distant relative.

5:19 – What if Ben Roethlisberger played Legolas?

5:23 – Disc 4 over. Two Towers running time: 3 hours and 36 minutes. We’re pretty much out of Jaeger, so we’re on our way to the store. We’ll be back in a sec.

5:51 – Well, that took a little longer than we expected. No detours though. Just straight to the liquor store, where the storekeeper had a Macalester alum as a brother and a sister who lived in Portland. That wasn’t exciting.

5:52 – The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King starts. This is it. We’re on the home stretch.

5:53 – I wonder what it is about Smeagol that caused him to kill for the Ring the first time he sees it. No one else did that. I mean, he’s a hobbit, right? I thought hobbits were resilient to the evil of the Ring. Interesting.

5:55 – How amusing would it be if there was a black hobbit? African-American,walking around the Shire with a giant afro or corn rows. That’d be money.

6:02 – E-town just let out a giant burp, it was kinda gross.

6:04 – Palantir = Middle Earth cell phone. VerEYEzon. Sorry.

6:09 – I think I’m running out of amusing things to say. It must be the gallons of Jaeger running through my blood. How pretentious is it that I keep writing Jaeger instead of Jager?

6:10 – R.I.D: Gandalf gets blasted by Saruman, Legolas’ unbelievable aim, the drinking game in Edoras.

6:13 – Sure he’s a wizard, but does Gandalf have to wear white all the time? He just looks ridiculous in the Golden Hall when everyone is celebrating. Do you think the wizards resent whatever color they’re given (Radagast the Brown, Palando and Alatar the Blue) because that means that’s what they must wear every day? What if he was Gandalf the Olive Green? That would be terrible. Saruman the Poop.

6:17 – E-town wants to know: who is more jacked, Gollum or Marc Bulger? At gunpoint, I go with Gollum. He’s got more wiry, survival strength. No way Marc Bulger could’ve led Frodo and Sam into Mordor.

6:19 – Why is Eowyn sleeping in the middle of the room with all of the lights on? Is that comfortable? She wants Aragorn’s D so bad. So does Grace. But not as much as Brad Pitt. If anyone read this whole blog to this point, ask Grace about her huge “Who I’d Do It With” Tournament. Brad Pitt was of course number one. Funniest Entry: Xzibit was number 6! Isn’t that hilarious?

6:28 – Alright. So the first few drinks were 2 shots and Red Bull. Then we started going through the booze so quick that we slowed it down to one shot per drink. Fortunately we got a whole ‘nother bottle of Jaeger, so now I’m up to 3 shots per.

6:30 – Dude, Elrond is a horrible father. I mean, he doesn’t encourage his daughter at all. Yeah, she might die. So what? Do you wanna live for 50, 000 years? That’d be awful and boring.

6:31 – I haven’t pooped yet today.

6:32 – Andruil, the Sword that was Broken has been Reforged. How fucking pimp is that?

6:33 – E-town just put the booklet for the movie on top of his head.

6:35 – Denethor Morken-Simmers.

6:36 – Direct quote from E-town: “I can force myself to shit.”

6:38 – Well, I had to do it. I had to poop. I really didn’t want to ever pause the movie, but I couldn’t wait any longer. Thankfully, E-town had to poop as well, so we both sprinted in to the bathroom, and came out at the same time. It was remarkable. E-town says “Huge awkward shit. I tried, but nothing came out.” I guess his statement from 6:36 was proved untrue.

6:41 – Top 3 overactors in the Trilogy: 3. Hugo Weaving (Elrond) 2. John Noble (Denethor) 1. Brad Dourif (Wormtongue). I don’t mind, of course, the story is somewhat Shakespearean, and overacting is appropriate. If however, your movie stars Chow Yun-Fat, overacting would be wildly out of place.

6:47 – If Gandalf got emphysema from smoking too much, would he know it? Would he be able to do anything about it? I mean, does Gandalf need bandaids? Aspirin? Most of my humor comes from anachronisms. Matt, you’re probably the only one who’s read this far. Congrats.

6:49 – I just took huge 3 drinks for the Witch-King of Angmar I love that character. Whoever designed him just got it perfect. Sinister. Powerful. Straight out of your goddam worst night-mare. After Sauron, if I could see more of any one character, it would definitely be the fucking Witch-King.

6:54 – E-town is hilarious. All day he has been complaining about his sock because it has been twisting and riding up on his ankle. I’m like, “Dude, take it off.” He says, “Nah, its too cold.” Weirdo. He still has the booklet on his head.

6:58 – E-town just launched into a huge story about how badass the Maoris are. Y’know what? He’s right. The Maoris are definitely my favorite indigenous people.


6:59 – The Lighting of the Beacons is the culmination and king of epic shots throughout the entire trilogy. Unbelievable, gives me chills. I just did 4 drinks in its honor.

7:02 – E-town and I just agreed to take a drink if we get a “man-urge”. All you dudes out there know what I’m talking about. Looks like I’ll be drinking every time Eowyn appears. I mean, um, Grace appears. What?

7:06 – Just finished the 3-shot drink. It was good. I’m gonna make a 4-shotter. This can’t end well.

7:10 – Never mind. 4 shots is too much. Just another 3-shotter is good. We’re not even on the last disc. I’m on the precipice of meltdown.

7:12 – The Wizard’s Pupil scene between Boromir and Denethor is unbelievable. The acting in this movie, supported by a compelling story, is spectacular. I can’t rave about this enough. The story, though admittedly about fantastic adventures, is grounded in daily truths. Living up to your expectations. Friendship. Honor. Family. Pride. And even more detailed: Trying to make your dad proud. I mean, what son has not felt, at some point, a failure in the eyes of their dad? This movie just works on all levels. Huge sentimental drunk.

7:19 – Denethor’s admission that he wishes Faramir dead in Boromir’s stead is heartbreaking.

7:21 – When Gollum frames Sam, the same music is played as when Gollum first attacks the two in Emyn Muil.

7:25 – Man, watching all the movies back-to-back-to-back makes Frodo’s dismissal of Sam all the more horrible.

7:26 – Random Gondorian maiden = Man-urge = drink.

7:28 – The sacrifice of Faramir, while Billy Boyd sings, haunting and beautiful.

7:30 – What if Frodo got a pilonidal cyst on the way to Mordor? Why not? Its just as likely that he get one as I get one. I mean, hobbits are hairy, I’m sure they got ‘em. That would be so inconvenient. I wonder if the power of the Ring could cure such an ailment.

7:32 – R.I.D – Legolas speaks pretentiously. We probably should’ve made this a rule. Oh well.

7:38 – Gotta drink to Andruil. “Sauron will not have forgotten the sword of Elendil.”

7:42 – Just so you know, Eowyn has given me about 6 man-urges in the last 10 minutes. That’s six drinks. It takes me forever to type these lines.

7:47 – When you think about it, there was really nothing preventing PJ from having Aragon busting out an AK-47 and just dominating Middle Earth. There was no legal obligation. No financial one, he’d already been paid. That’s just pure integrity.

7:51 – Awkward for the FX guys to have their dead different from the dead in Pirates of the Caribbean.

7:59 – Brief bathroom and PB&J break. E-town is drunk right now, he just admitted it.

8:01 – Sure its satisfying, but when Gandalf beats down Denethor with his staff, its not very Gandalf-like.

8:06 – Alright, I can’t list everything we’re drinking to at this point. I mean, it’s the Siege of Gondor, the Battle of the Pellenor Fields, it’s the culminating battle of Middle Earth. Look at it this way, we’re pretty much going to be drinking to everything at this point. I’ll list major things as they occur, but just assume that we’re pretty much drinking to every single goddamn thing.

8:09 – 5th disc over. This is it. The War of the Ring. The fate of middle earth hangs in the balance, and E-town is making a Pizza Sandwich.

8:15 – Started the last disc. E-town has a sandwich in the toaster. He’s wasted. This disc is going to dominate us. Prepare for horrible blogging.

8:17 – What’s up with all the light in Shelob’s cave? Shelob. Definitely Jewish.

8:21 – What would happen if Shelob ate the Ring? Would she be powerful? Would Sauron focus all of his forces on her?

8:23 – What’s up with everyone and the fake deaths? Gollum, Sam, Frodo, Gandalf, Aragorn….just chill out, dammit.

8:32 – Just poured another 3-shotter.

8:33 – If you’ve made it this far reading this blog, please comment. I’d like to know who loves LOTR as much as I do. Grace, E-Town, Matt…this is you. I’m drunk.

8:37 – E-town just bitched about his sock again.

8:45 – “Ride now! Ride now! To the world’s ending!” I LOVE THIS GODDAM MOVIE!!!!!!!!!

8:47 – HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8:47 – I’m panicking right now! I love this movie! BEST MOVIE EVER!!! We watched the Witch-King dominate Gandalf 5 TIMES!

8:48 – MELT-DOWN!

8:48 – Hobbits being heroic!

8:50 – Huge jacked Southron Leader!

8:54 – We both so wasted right now.

8:55 – Best movie ever. So you know what’s number one on my list. So what. BEST MOVIE EVER!!!!

8:57 – Difference between this movie and other “war” movies. Here comes the random quiet scene. Pippen has so much pain on his face. Gandalf comforts him with talk of the green shores beyond. I love this movie.

9:01 – LOVE THE WITCH-KINGS DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:04 – I AM NO MAN!!!!

9:07 – Huge drink to Legolas’ Oliphant kill. Huge. Best. Movie. Ever.

9:11 – We just took a drunk piss. That’s right, we are definitely drunk. We’ve almost finished off two bottles of Jaeger. I’ll tell you when they’re both gone.

9:14 – Y’know, I love Grace, but its probably a good thing she isn’t here. This is one of those things that you do with guys. Grace – sorry, you probably shouldn’t have read that.

9:17 – Cell phone graveyard (If you don’t get what that means, understand that we’re drunk.)

9:19 – Movies interrupted by a huge Jake(s) phone call. And for the record, Jake(s) bet me $1 that the Twins would win the World Series.

9:33 – We’ve just poured our last drink. There is a final shot waiting for the end of the movie. We have rationed this drink to last us till the end. We made it. We’ll see you when Middle Earth is safe.

9:34 – Eowyn just prompted a man-urge. Drink.

9:38 – Had to rewind because E-town couldn’t understand what was going on.

9:42 – E-town: “Sam is so tough, dude.”

9:43 – Sam helps Frodo up. Drink.

9:50 – Mouth of Sauron. We’ve watched the scene twice now.

9:52 – “I don’t believe it. I will not.”

9:54 – MEN OF THE WEST!! These movies have gotten better watching back-to-back-to-back.

9:59 – This is it…

10:01 – The eagles are coming!

10:08 – The Ring is destroyed….

10:09 – The power of Sauron diminishes. He fades into the abyss…forever knawing at his own shapeless form…

10:10 – Frodo and Sam…

10:11 – Frodo is free. The weight of the Ring is over.

10: 12 – “I’m glad to be with you Samwise Gamgee. Here at the end of all things.”

10:13 – The look on Elijah’s face…in the claws of the Eagles…you can’t direct it. You have to feel that pain.

10:15 – The Fellowship reunites. The most important member, Sam. Frodo couldn’t have done it without Sam.

10:17 – Can’t avoid the sarcastic comment: When did Aragorn decide that he would let his beard grow out nice and full? While he was a Ranger was he thinking “Well, I’d better shave really shitty because I’m a Ranger. Once I’m King, I’ll let the beard look good.”

10:21 – Huge moment. The King of Gondor bows to the hobbits. I love that scene.

10:23 – You kill Shelob, Rosie ain’t that big of a deal.

10:26 – E-town just awkwardly farted.

10:28 – The Grey Havens.

10:29 – “Here at last on the shores of the sea, comes the end of the Fellowship. I will not say do not weep, for not all tears are evil.”

10:32 – I don’t want this to be over….

10:33 – Into the West…

10:35 – "Well, I’m back."

Alright, the movie is over. E-town is going to the bathroom. I must say, I have to go to the bathroom. But, before I do, let me just say…this has been the most enjoyable cinematic experience of my life. I mean, I’ve loved these movies up until now, but I’ve never truly understood them. Watching them from start to finish, I fully understand what the filmmakers were trying to accomplish. Watching everything at once is such a journey that I identify with Frodo and Sam. I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I guess I can’t expect anyone to understand this unless they’ve done it. For those of you that have seen all three movies separately, I urge you to watch them all. This really is the only way to experience the Lord of the Rings. Just as the book should not be taken as a trilogy (like Tolkien wanted) so should the films be considered a single epic film. I love this movie.




Ok. Now its been about 2 hours since the movie (yes, now I consider the whole trilogy a single movie) ended. We’ve been watching some of the extras, I’ve sobered up a bit, and I’ve compiled my favorite moments from the movie. For those of you who need help (and if you’ve made it this far, I don’t think that you should) I’ve listed the “traditional” division of the movie. FOTR = Fellowship, TTT = Two Towers, ROTK = Return of the King. Here ya go (And yes, they are in order within their group)

Honorable Mention:

Helm’s Deep Berserker (TTT)
Aragorn Denies Eowyn (ROTK)
Cave Troll Attacks Fellowship (FOTR)

4th Team All Movie:

The Oliphaunts Arrive (ROTK)
The Eagles Arrive (ROTK)
“Give them a moment, for pity’s sake!” (FOTR)
Butterbur in the pub (FOTR)
Aragorn and the Nazgul on Weathertop (FOTR)

3rd Team All Movie:

Lurtz licks blade (FOTR)
Horn of Helm Hammerhand (TTT)
The Summoning of the Dead (ROTK)
“You bow to no one.” (ROTK)

2nd Team All Movie:

Gandalf Comes From the East (TTT)
The Ride of the Rohirrim (ROTK)
The Mouth of Sauron Beheaded (ROTK)
The Insane Southron Leader (ROTK)
Legolas Defeats The Oliphaunt (ROTK)

Top 5 Moments:

5. The Sacrifice of Faramir (ROTK)
4. Gandalf Staff is Broken (ROTK)
3. Gollum Falls Into the Fire (ROTK)
2. The Death of the Witch-King (ROTK)
1. “You Cannot Pass!” (FOTR)

I’m exhausted. I’m proud of anyone who’s made it this far. Goodnight.