T-Biggs Unleashed

Alright everyone. What I said yesterday in "The Blog That Never Was" was that I was ready to begin unveiling T-Biggs even as I was working on it, so...let's begin.

The Biggest Project The World Has Ever Known (T-Biggs): My Top Movies

This isn't your typical Top Movies list. Its much bigger than that. In fact, this will probably be the biggest/longest movie list you will ever read (or stare at blankly, and immediately click over to espn.com).

I have taken the time to compile every movies I have ever seen. That's right. I currently have in my possession a list of all the movies I've seen, and how I've decided to rate them. Rating them was a very complicated process. Often, Movie A will rank higher than Movie B, even though I'd be the first to admit that B was a "better" movie. I have no exact formula for my rankings, mostly I just went with my gut. Which movie had a bigger impact on me, which did I identify with more, which would I rather see right now, which would I rather watch given I've already seen both 20 times. So, there may have been a complex mathematical process occuring in my brain, but I didn't consciously use any formula. That said, this is pretty much what my blogs will be for the next weeks/months, but I'll definately put in some non-movie stuff as well. Keep in mind that it will take me awhile to reveal the list, so it might change a little as I see more movies. Don't worry, I'll keep you up to date. Lets get goin.

Enjoy.

765. All Dogs Go To Heaven (1989) D: Don Bluth

Admittedly not all that bad. Unfortunately, it was the first movie I didn't like. As a 7-year-old, that was a very traumatic experience. That young, I thought that all movies were cool and awesome. This horrible little film destroyed that dream.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

764. Baby's Day Out (1994) D: Patrick Read Johnson

Are you fucking kidding me John Hughes? A dreadful film. Awful. Can't be saved, even by Joe Pantaliano. A goddamn baby foiling robbers? Really?

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

763. Baby Geniuses (1999) D: Bob Clark

Ok, I don't have a problem with babys. In fact, I intend to have a few some day. But, I have a huge problem seeing baby's do adult-type things. It never works on camera. Never. Maybe on America's Funniest Home Videos. Bob Sagat.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

762. Jury Duty (1995) D: John Fortenberry

Pauly Shore makes me want to boil the skin from my bones.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

761. In the Army Now (1994) D: Daniel Petrie Jr.

See above.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

760. Prom Night (1980) D: Paul Lynch

Horror movies are fun when done well. Horror movies are fun when done poorly. This is just a botched circumcision.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

759. Daredevil (2003) D: Mark Steven Anderson

I know, I know, compared to what comes next, DD shouldn't be that low. But, I had a horrible reaction to this film. Maybe it was how I watched it (alone), where I watched it (1522 Portland), and when I watched it (procrastinating). I just couldn't stand the CG Ben Affleck, much like I can't stand the live-action Ben Affleck.

Performance to Savor: Michael Clarke Duncan
Memorable Moment: None

758. Turbulence (1997) D: Robert Butler

Typically solid Ray Liotta signs on for the paycheck. Bumpy flight, disasterous movie. Awful FX. Other than Dumb and Dumber has Lauren Holly ever been in a good movie? Nope.

Performance to Savor: Ray Liotta
Memorable Moment: None

757. Chain Reaction (1996) D: Andrew Davis

What can I say? It stars Keanu Reeves as a molecular chemist.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

756. Darkness (2002) D: Jaume Balaguero

I saw this movie in Hungary almost a year before it was released in the US. Do I feel privileged? No. Cursed is more like it.

Performance to Savor: Iain Glen
Memorable Moment: None

Well, that's the bottom 10. Better get back to work.