499-475

Happy Valentine's Day to everyone! For those of you who think that Valentine's Day is strictly for the ladies and that men often get the short end of the stick, I refer you here. Also, E-town has finally started a blog, and I've promised to plug it, so here's E's blog. Anyway, I had a lovely dinner at Christo's with my remarkable girlfriend (Grace), though I didn't finish my food because I had done too much pre-eating.

The alumni match was fun, especially because they gave us free food, and I got to hang out with Herr Falk.

Werth had an enormous meltdown at Costello's, which mostly involved straight JD, and random guys laughing at him.

St. Bangers won, even though we have 400 people on our team.

I can't really write effective blogs, because I spend too much energy on the movies. Get over it.

499. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (1978) D: Ralph Bakshi

Only this high because of how much I love the books and the new movies. As a stand alone movie, it wouldn't even crack into the 600s. Awful, awful, awful. If I didn't previously know the story, I would've been completely lost. Basically, they run rough-shod over FOTR and TTT in a bizarre muscial medley, (which is actually about 25 min), then plunge into creepy songs sung by orcs. Just a bad piece of filmmaking. Imagine being a huge fan of the books from the 50s, then being stung by this abortion. Disgusting taste in your mouth. Then, 25 years later, PJ releases the best movie (not just LOTR) ever. How pumped would you be? Would you drink a bottle of Jaeger? *note the self-promotion*

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

498. Shining Through (1992) D: David Seltzer

This movie attempts to reconciliate women and the WWII/Spy genre. Suprisingly, it does it quite well. I can't give it higher marks because I can't stand Melanie Griffith, but there are some genuinely suspenseful moments, espicially in the hands of Liam Neeson

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

497. Teen Wolf (1985) D: Rod Daniel

Responsible for the proliferation of the "friend who is in love with the other friend, but the other friend doesn't notice, so they spend their time with attractive but insipid populars, only to realize the truth at the end" teen-movies. Done through the medium of the werewolf? Classic. But...I love basketball, and those scenes are handled so poorly, it pretty much just took me out of it. Kinda like getting nut-tapped. I mean...who jumps for a free-throw?

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

496. Bruce Almighty (2003) D: Tom Shadyac

Granted, this was comedy, though not Jim Carrey's best...and granted this isn't exactly the forum for doing so...but I tend to prefer movies that actually say something, rather than blandly regurgitating the numbing political correctness of the day. On second thought...I'll introduce this topic later. This movie's just fine. Forget what I said.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: Divine humping

495. Bandits (2001) D: Barry Levinson

A solid little caper flick, which unfortunately in the end has to resort to trite love-triangleness. But, Billy Bob is amazing, as is Cate. Set right in my backyard as well, and it was fun to see places on screen that I've been to.

Performance to Savor: Billy Bob Thornton
Memorable Moment: None

494. Pure Luck (1991) D: Nadia Tass

Its got Martin Short, and its still this high. Imagine how good everything else is.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

493. Mr. Deeds (2002) D: Steven Brill

While I appreciated Adam Sandler's attempt to break new ground and play a different type of character, this movie couldn't quite decide if it was a comedy or a romantic comedy or a drama (well, not that) or what. Better direction and a different star would've helped immensely.

Performance to Savor: Jon Turturro
Memorable Moment: None

492. Keeping the Faith (2000) D: Edward Norton

This movie wasn't very well recieved, because there wasn't a definable audience for it. Most of the younger public couldn't relate to the problems of a Catholic priest and a Jew, those of either faith were perhaps alienated by some of the methodological stances, and everyone else just didn't think it was funny. I, for one, found it amusing, and I applaud Norton's efforts to capture modern interfaith discourse in a comedic, modern, and timely way.

Performance to Savor: Jenna Elfman
Memorable Moment: None

491. The Fisher King (1991) D: Terry Gilliam

I really wanted to like this. Really bad. I love everything else that Gilliam has done, and given my blanket approval of this one, he would easily top my list as favorite director. (I know you can feel the "but" coming) But...I just couldn't get in to it. Gilliam is at his best when his direction is committed and focused. Be it fantasy ("Time Bandits" "Baron Munchausen") or Sci-Fi ("12 Monkeys"), he must have a clear goal. "The Fisher King" tried to bridge a gap between fantasy, drama, and comedy, and while a appreciate eclectic flicks, it doesn't work for me. Now, many critics will disagree with me...this is admittedly one of Gilliam's more mature works, but this is my list. So fuck off.

Performance to Savor: Robin Williams

Memorable Moment: None

490. Any Given Sunday (1999) D: Oliver Stone

The best thing to come from this exaggerated pickle is the realization that Jamie Foxx can have a career as a legitmate dramatic actor.

Performance to Savor: Jamie Foxx

Memorable Moment: None

489. Mystery, Alaska (1999) D: Jay Roach

Another movie seen only because of my esteemed status as a video store clerk. Not entirely without merit, in that its got Russel Crowe in a comedic performance (whose capabilities are vastly underused and underrated). Roach knows what he's doing more or less, and comedies set in Alaska are few and far between.

Performance to Savor: None

Memorable Moment: None

488. Analyze This (1999) D: Harold Ramis

The movie upon which Robert De Niro trained his comedic acting chops for "Meet the Parents". This is just practice, though, and RDN had yet to acquire the comedic timing which made MTP memorable. Also, we've seen De Niro as italian mobster for so long, it was too hackneyed for his first foray into comedy to be as italian mobster. MTP did it better...keep the tough guy, let RDN play straight man.

Performance to Savor: None

Memorable Moment: None

487. Time Cop (1994) D: Peter Hyams

A loose collection of cool ideas, barely strung together, and definitely not united by Jean-Claude Van Damme. The opening sequence encapsulates many of the "what if " conversations I've had over the years, though slightly more violent. Loads of potential, and actually handles the stickiness of time travel quite well.

Performance to Savor: Ron Silver

Memorable Moment: Same place, same time

486. Iron Will (1994) D: Charles Haid

Mindless Disney feelgoodness. Kevin Spacey adds some much needed weight in a not-more-than-a-cameo role.

Performance to Savor: None

Memorable Moment: None

485. Ghost (1990) D: Jerry Zucker

Look at the director. This is the guy responsible for the "Airplane!" and "Naked Gun" movies, as well as "Police Squad", and other spoof-heavy comedies. How did he make this movie? How did any studio green light the money for this pitch? Very influential movie, with a great love story and sleazy villain. Much of that was lost on my 8-year-old brain, though unfortunately Whoopi's appearance wasn't.

Performance to Savor: None

Memorable Moment: Pottery

484. The Life of David Gale (2003) D: Alan Parker

Widely-panned flick, mostly because of Kate Winslet's and Kevin Spacey's ham-handed overacting. Laura Linney is devestating and fragile, and her role holds this movie together. More twists and turns than one would expect for a movie like this, and to be honest, the ending sequence is unforgettable.

Performance to Savor: Laura Linney

Memorable Moment: Final Video tape

483. Pecker (1998) D: John Waters

Edward Furlong attempts to break his post-Terminator malaise, and performs superbly. The character isn't much of a stretch for him, but the dialogue and supporting roles are sharp.

Performance to Savor: None

Memorable Moment: None

482. The Missing (2003) D: Ron Howard

This movie was better when it was called "The Searchers".

Performance to Savor: Cate Blanchett

Memorable Moment: None

481. The Mummy (1999) D: Stephen Sommers

Sommers pays homage to the Universal monsters of early film. Exceptionally campy, overacted, effects heavy...a lot of fun.

Performance to Savor: Arnold Vosloo

Memorable Moment: None

480. Money Train (1995) D: Joseph Ruben

Hollywood must be the most transparant institution ever. A movie is released, it makes money, studio attempts to bottle that magic by regurgitating it all over the paying-public. Woody and Wesley had unbelievable chemistry in "White Men Can't Jump", and they still do here...though they essentially are playing the same guys. This movie isn't great, but like I said, the leads are charasmatic, and I think its funny that my mom and I saw this in the theatre.

Performance to Savor: None

Memorable Moment: None

479. The Waterboy (1998) D: Frank Coraci

More Sandler voices and bad humor, but the presence of Henry Winkler adds an element of heart and well-meaning missing from other Sandler duds.

Performance to Savor: Kathy Bates

Memorable Moment: None

478. Antz (1998) D: Eric Darnell

Before "Shark Tale", "Antz" was my least favorite of the CGI-animated movies. Mostly, this owes to the fact that it aimed a bit too high in their target audience, but not high enough, if that makes sense. They wanted to be unique by crafting a kiddie movie with adult appeal, but rather than infusing the script with clever jokes and wit, they cast Woody Allen to ramble on and on. This movie reduces to lots o' talking, and not enough fun.

Performance to Savor: None

Memorable Moment: None

477. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) D: Steve Barron

The cartoon was great, but the whole concept is just too gimmicky to really work as a live-action movie. Perhaps a big budget cartoon with famous voices and expensive animation would help, but as it is...its just kinda wierd.

Performance to Savor: None

Memorable Moment: None

476. Cool Runnings (1993) D: Jon Turteltaub

A unique idea, and a decent cast, but Turteltaub does little more than just connect the dots. I didn't expect more, but I coulda rated it hire if I felt an element of depth from anything other than John Candy's waistline.

Performance to Savor: None

Memorable Moment: None

475. Blue Sky (1994) D: Tony Richardson

This isn't your typical "Alex" movie: dramatic, romantic elements, plotline focusing on character growth. But, the performances of Tommy Lee Jones and Jessica Lange are so captivating and touching, that I can't ignore them. Lange in particular is oscar-worthy.

Performance to Savor: None

Memorable Moment: None