524-500

Hey hey hey...I'm writing this while I watch CSI (an excellent show by the way), so well, I guess quality had to be previously good for it to drop...um, nevermind.

524. Corrina, Corrina (1994) D: Jessie Nelson

An unlikely romantic dramedy pairing Ray Liotta and Whoopi Goldberg. Who woulda thought? Somehow it works, though the adorable Tina Marjorino definately helps. Never thought that I'd write a blub about a Whoopi Goldberg that didn't include the words "open wound".

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

523. Toys (1992) D: Barry Levinson

This movie, much like Robin Williams ' "What Dreams May Come", has the ability to wow the audience both with its dream-like sets and atmosphere, and yet seem all too earthly and mundane. Not the best of qualities for a comedic fantasy.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

522. It Could Happen To You (1994) D: Andrew Bergman

I should hate this movie. Its got Rosie Perez and her accented worse. But...there's something about a "poor man gets rich" story done without excess and scum that I am partial to.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

521. Mary Shelly's Frankenstein (19940 D: Kenneth Branagh

Not the best "Frankenstein" story, but it gets an "A" for effort. Earnestly acted, it eventually suffers from Branagh's Shakespearan vision. This tale requires an element of dark humor, which is noticably absent here.

Performance to Savor: Robert De Niro
Memorable Moment: None

520. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989) D: Joe Johnston

An excellent kids movie, but there's not much else here. Rick Moranis plays Rick Moranis, but its all in good fun.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: Gigantic cookie

519. Tommy Boy (1995) D: Peter Segal

What is there to say? This movie is nothing but Farley's mugging, but unlike other SNL alums his comedic timing is charismatic and unpretentious.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

518. Bride of Chucky (1998) D: Ronny Yu

I've never seen the originals, though I doubt they incorporated this level of camp. Sufficiently humerous to keep the viewer's mind away from the lagging horror, with enough blood to sate those who require it. Brad "Wormtongue" Dourif, is the voice of Chucky.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: "I'm made of rubber!"

517. Road Trip (2000) D: Todd Phillips

Tom Green's only appearance on the silver screen which is not equivalent to a dry-heave. Thankfully the Mr. Phillips kept Green at bay, allowing seasoned thespian Seann William Scott to wow us with technique and form.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

516. Black Sheep (1996) D: Penelope Spheeris

See "Tommy Boy".

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

515. Nurse Betty (2000) D: Neil LaBute

I hate Renee Zellweger. If her and French Stewart had babies, the kids would be legally blind. The presence of Morgan Freeman adds some credibility, and Greg Kinnear is at his smarmy best, but the performances just can't rise above the strained script.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

514. The 13th Floor (1999) D: Josef Rusnak

With "eXistenZ", billed as "Better than the Matrix!", which does it a grave disservice. You can't beat "The Matrix" at its own game, and this movie would be better enjoyed as a pleasant suprise, rather than as a letdown. A nice ending, though somewhat predictable.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

513. Selena (1997) D: Gregory Nava

I hate to say this about a movie which features Jennifer Lopez prominantly, but its a great biopic of the hispanic singer. J-Lo is bearable because she still has her natural hair, smile, body, and behind. Edward James Olmos is also remarkable.

Performance to Savor: Jennifer Lopez
Memorable Moment: None

512. Dave (1993) D: Ivan Reitman

Kevin Kline might be one of the most underappreciated actor of our time. He is good in everything, bringing wit and charm, without every becoming stale. He's pitch perfect in this amusing tale of an average man who becomes president.

Performance to Savor: Kevin Kline
Memorable Moment: None

511. Harry and the Hendersons (1987) D: William Dear

A solid little movie, though it can't quite decide between family drama, and all out comedy. The first encounter with Harry occupied my nightmares for years...so beware.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

510. Kindergarden Cop (1990) D: Ivan Reitman

Truly an excellent Arnie vehicle. The kind of movies he needs to do to put people in the theater who are outside of the young male demographic. But, the villain involved is to lame to really care about the plot behind comedy.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: "Boys have a penis, girls have vagina!"

509. Ransom (1996) D: Ron Howard

A one-note movie which falls flat of its ambition by failing to establish the bond between parent and child. We learn it throughout the course of the flick, but by then its too late.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

508. The Mask of Zorro (1998) D: Martin Campbell

Fun, though you have to wonder what prompted Anthony Hopkins to appear as the original Zorro. Antonio Banderas has perfected the form of the rebellious mexican/spaniard.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

507. Grease (1978) D: Randal Kleiser

A modern classic...or so they say. I suspect that this is only because of the admittedly memorable songs. I just never responded to this the way others have.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

506. Clue (1985) D: Jonathan Lynn

Definitely a clever movie, and an enjoyable watch. I just can't rank it much higher, because I don't feel that its rewatchable. Once you've seen it once...that's pretty much enough.

Performance to Savor: Tim Curry
Memorable Moment: None

505. Deep Impact (1998) D: Mimi Leder

The similarities to Armageddon are obvious. This one is more sophisticated without the cheese, without the excess, without the Bruckheimerishness...and without the fun.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

504. Con Air (1997) D: Simon West

Bruckheimer officially decides that plot, pacing, and dialogue are obsolete.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

503. Bad Boys II (2003) D: Michael Bay

I watched this with Simmz under the pretense that this was the best movie he'd ever seen. I should've known better. I can't completely condemn it though...Will Smith and Martin Lawrence do have remarkable chemistry, and are very entertaining to watch. Its all superficial though.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

502. The Hours (2002) D: Stephen Daldry

It seems that most critics praised this because they felt like they had to. Its got the pedigree...but shit, just because Nicole puts on a prosthetic nose, doesn't make her the oscar-worthy. I found her to be aloof and boring.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

501. Runaway Bride (1999) D: Garry Marshall

Marshall, Roberts, and Gere reteam in an obvious attempt to bottle the "Pretty Women" magic. Just doesn't work. I've pretty much run out of stuff to say for the day. I'll be better tomorrow, I promise.

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None

500. Mars Attacks (1996) D: Tim Burton

I only just now found out that this was directed by Burton. That can't be a good thing. I should've been able to tell from the opening frame that Burton was all over this one. A collection of talent...all of which are wasted. Another element on the list of "Signs that Alex Won't Like This Movie": An amazing assembled cast. No movie with a giant cast (all stars) has ever been good. And no..."Jay and Silent Bob" did not have "stars".

Performance to Savor: None
Memorable Moment: None